A Mothers Journey | 2007 Pulitzer Prize Winner

Pictures | Jeewan | August 18, 2008 at
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Racing barefooted, Cyndie French pushes her son Derek Madsen, 10, up and down hallways in the UC Davis Medical Center, distracting him during the dreaded wait before his bone marrow extraction. Doctors want to determine whether he is eligible for a blood stem cell transplant, his best hope for beating neuroblastoma, a rare childhood cancer.

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Cyndie French, embraces her son, Derek Madsen, 10, on July 25, 2005, after learning Derek needs surgery to remove a cancerous tumor in his abdomen.

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Derek gets a soothing massage from his mother, Cyndie French, at her Sacramento nail and tanning salon on June 2, 2005. The 10-year-old is battling a rare childhood cancer that has invaded his bones and organs. "I'm going to do whatever it takes to make him happy, to see him smile." Cyndie says.

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Derek taunts his mother playfully as Cyndie tries to coax him down from a wall outside the UC Davis Medical Center in Sacramento on July 27, 2005. They are there to admit Derek for cancer surgery the following day. Derek dreads hospitals and Cyndie has a hard time getting the 10-year-old to enter.

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Derek is comforted by his brother Micah Moffe, 17, left, and mom Cyndie, right, as he gets a tattoo in preparation for radiation therapy for cancer during an orientation in radiation on November 30, 2005 at UC Davis Medical Center. Micah often accompanies Derek to treatments even though his schoolwork suffers.

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On Feb. 6, one of Derek's cancer doctors recommends she contact hospice workers. Cyndie doesn't tell Derek about the conversation, but retreats behind a closed door at home to cry. "I don't think it's important to tell him, " she says. "Why? What for? " Sensing her sadness, Derek tries to cheer her up.

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Realizing her son may never have an opportunity to get his driver's license, something he's told her he is anticipating, Cyndie defies the rules and lets 11-year-old Derek drive up and down their street in West Sacramento while sitting on her lap.

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Derek is tearful as Cyndie tries to reason with him. She and Dr. William Hall argue that Derek should have a series of radiation treatments. "Derek, you might not make it if you don't do this," Cyndie tells him. Derek fires back: "I don't care! ...Take me home. ... I'm done, Mom! Are you listening to me? I'm done!"

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Cyndie tries to have something at hand to take the sting out of Derek's doctor appointments. On March 8, 2006 after he undergoes radiation treatment at the UC Davis Cancer Center, they make the most of a can of Silly String-and Cyndie then meticulously cleans up every bit of the stuff from the ground.

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Cyndie consoles her best friend, Kelly Whysong, left, on April 24, 2006, fearing Derek's time is near. Cyndie has written a letter to Derek about how brave he's been during his battle with cancer, and she reads it to her youngest son repeatedly, hoping he can still understand.

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After placing a flower beside her son's head a sobbing Cyndie, keeping a 24-hour vigil by Derek's bed, drops to the floor April 25, 2006, as her best friend, Kelly Whysong, left, and another friend, Nick Rocha, comfort her.

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As Derek, 11, has a final burst of energy after days of Cyndie keeping vigil at his bedside she helps her anguished son walk on April 26, 2006. A cancerous tumor has distended Derek's stomach so far that his pants no longer fit while another in his brain has impaired his eyesight making it hard for him to navigate inside their rental home.

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Derek refuses to take pain medications because he fears damaging his organs. He rages at his mother on April 28, 2006, blaming her for not making him healthier. "You have to calm down and help me help you," Cyndie says.

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On May 1, 2006, after days of almost no sleep while caring for Derek, Cyndie confronts "grandpa" Patrick Degnan, a longtime family friend, about whether he'll be able to help with rent and funeral expenses as Derek is caught in the middle.

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Derek kisses his mom Cyndie after the Relay for Life benefit, as his 6-year-old sister, Brieanna, stands by.

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Cyndie holds Derek as his medication hinders his speech and keeps him awake all night. Cyndie spends nearly 24 hours a day at his side, except for a few minutes while hospice nurses are with him. "I was exhausted beyond belief but I had to do this. He would call my name and always expected me to be there," Cyndie said

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In an effort to get Derek outside, Cyndie wheels him through the front door passing by artwork and cards given to her son by classmates at Bridgeway Island Elementary School. It was his last trip outside.

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Cyndie fights her emotions May 10, 2006, as she prepares to flush out Derek's catheter with saline solution before hospice nurse Sue Kirkpatrick, left, administers a sedative that will give the 11-year-old a peaceful death. "I know in my heart I've done everything I can," Cyndie says.

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Cyndie tearfully rocks her dying son Derek, 11, as the song "Because We Believe" plays. From left, family friends Ashley Berger, Amy Morgan and Kelly Whysong offer comfort as Cyndie tells Derek, "It's OK, baby. I love you, little man. I love you, brave boy. I love you. I love you."

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Cyndie leads Derek's casket to burial with assistance from her sons Anthony Moffe, foreground, Micah Moffe, opposite him, and Vincent Morris, who is not visible, as well as several friends. "I will forever carry your memory in my heart and remind others to give of their time, energy and support to other families like ours," Cyndie says at the funeral.

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7 Comments

  1. Chris says:

    Heartbreaking…

  2. John says:

    I cried at the end.

  3. Ed says:

    no parent should ever outlive their children…..that is so heartbreaking….. I just pray that young boy is with Jesus

    I would it happen to me than my sons…..

  4. Lazrik says:

    While his death, like the deaths of hundreds of thousands of humans every day, is undeniably tragic, the greater tragedy here is the selfishness of a mother. Her son is in clear pain, a pain she ignored to pursue a fool’s errant in direct opposition to her son’s wishes. Several times we see he clearly does not want to go through with the long, painful treatment that is almost sure to end in failure (as it did). When he tells her he doesn’t want to go forward with more unnecessary treatment it is obvious to all except her that he has come to terms with his own mortality, it is she who has not. Despite all of his begging, she could not muster the empathy for her own son needed to allow him to live out his last days in peace.

    The greatest pain here is not the pain she feels from her son’s death, it’s the son’s pain of being betrayed by the one person who should love him the most.

  5. Lazrik says:

    While his death, like the deaths of hundreds of thousands of humans every day, is undeniably tragic, the greater tragedy here is the selfishness of a mother. Her son is in clear pain, a pain she ignored to pursue a fool’s errant in direct opposition to her son’s wishes. Several times we see he clearly does not want to go through with the long, painful treatment that is almost sure to end in failure (as it did). When he tells her he doesn’t want to go forward with more unnecessary treatment it is obvious to all except her that he has come to terms with his own mortality, it is she who has not. Despite all of his pleading, she could not muster the empathy for her own son needed to allow him to live out his last days in peace.

    The greatest pain here is not the pain she feels from her son’s death, it’s the son’s pain of being betrayed by the one person who should love him the most.

  6. suzan says:

    while its easy to say that the mother need not have put her son through so much pain, its unimaginable to do so. Its only a mother who can put in so much effort in a hope that some day her son might be ok. Its very painful to see your child sufferring & no one would wantingly put him/her through pain. Kudos to the mom & her supportive group of family & friends.

  7. Tessie Paras says:

    I like your post. Your blog is fantastic.

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